Socrates-"I'm gay."
Plato-"I wrote down what my boss said but it might just be what I said."
Aristotle-"I'm so old-fashioned. Fuck!"
Jesus-"I don't know why I gave up so easy. My philosophy is weak."
Seneca-"It will be okay, I think, or maybe not."
Augustine-"I'm Christian, but I am a serious philosopher."
Aquinas-"Me too!"
Machiavelli-"I'm the dude who is the favorite philosopher of every dumb bro."
Descartes-"I think therefore.....whatever."
Pascal-"I believe in God because I don't want to go to hell."
Spinoza-"We need to start pissing people off."
Locke-"I'm a racist."
Hobbes-"I'm a douche."
Rousseau-"I want to go on a walk."
Voltaire-"Shit sucks."
Kant-"I will explain everything but you will learn nothing."
Adam Smith-"I love money!"
Mill/Bentham-"Sex is good; so is reading a book."
Schopenhauer-"I hate life, I think. Maybe not."
Hegel-"I am going to kill you and then steal half of your clothes."
Marx-"It is impossible to misinterpret my philosophy."
Dostoevsky-"I write really long books."
Kierkegaard-"God is alive, I think."
Nietzsche-"God is dead, pretty much."
Dewey/James-"We're American."
Weber-"Bureaucracy!"
Freud-"There's something I really want to say but I'm staying silent."
Wittgenstein-"Why should I say anything?"
Jaspers-"I'm random but I fit in somehow."
Husserl-"I'm important."
Heidegger-"I'm a Nazi."
Arendt-"I am a Jew but I think Heidegger is cool."
Jung-"I am indifferently opposed to Nazis."
Lacan-"You probably can't understand anything I say."
Sartre-"We're totally free and this makes total sense!"
Camus-"We're totally free and this makes no sense!"
De Beauvoir-"We're free because I agree with Jean-Paul a lot."
Althusser-"We're not free."
Foucault-"Yeah, we're not free."
Derrida-"Yeah. I hate myself. And you."
Adorno-"Everyone is so critical."
Rorty-"We got to get back to how shit used to be."
Rawls-"We need to help the poor."
Nozick-"Fuck the poor."
Habermas-"What the fuck did you say?"
Peter Singer-"I think he's talking shit about my animal friends."
Baudrillard-"Fuck it."
Zizek-"Youtube me!"
Clancy Martin-"Google video me!"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
This is pretty damn funny. Especially Kant, Mill, Husserl, Heidegger, and Zizek.
thanks
I know I’m very/embarrassingly late to the party here. But this is, like, awesome and stuff. Off the top of my head I think something funny could have been said about Hume and causality. Also, I was hoping you wouldn’t go the Nazi-route with Heidegger. And you did. Oh well.
I think given that we seem to have the same literary taste/interest in philosophy we would get along well with each other until we hated each other. You know, serious facial expressions via conflicting interpretations of such-and-such seminal work by so-and-so and all.
Post a Comment