return to blogosphere

having posted in awhile

trying to get through my last year in college while also trying to figure out what i will do with a degree in literature

applied to some MFA programs, but the past few weeks ive been kind of skeptical of all that

seems like id spend time getting a degree so that i can then find out what i want to do

i would like to teach english or writing

i think doing that would be fun

but i also want to make money eventually so that i can live comfortably and no longer have to worry about money so much

i dont think an mfa degree will necessairly help with that, unless i could get published more and have more prestige

right now i have prestige with like two people, maybe a couple others

finished a long essay for my camus tutorial on death row, suicide, and the human dilemma as it relates to our mortality

i used the stranger (camus), the wall (sartre), being and nothingness (sartre), myth of sisyphus (camus), reflections on the guillotine (camus), and sickness unto death (kierkegaard)

consciousness is a big thing

i dont think im conscious of stuff enough in terms of my own dilemma

people tell me things and i have trouble remembering what they said especially when i am around more than a few people

but its not that big a deal

i hope to live for many more years i think

i just need to stop being a fuck up

but i probably won't

but i will

i dont know

for all the differences that exist on a superficial level between me and my parents, deep down we really are quite similar and i get along with them, even though i dont like that they are straight-laced and conservative and often ocd

i dont know what i think about life

i guess its ok

in the stranger Meursault takes his own passivity and in the end he turns it into hate against those who are passively hateful towards him (they want to kill him because he killed an Arab mercilessly/randomly)

its a strange book

i dont think im really saying

ill post more later in the week and it will actually be much more coherent