(with different tenses)
December 1: Debut of my good friend Niki Schur-Narula's album and sound installation (LINKED IN SIDEBAR TO YOUR LEFT)
December 1-present: procrastinating on final shit for MFA classes that I am enrolled in
December 18: return to Ohio for Christ Holy Day
December 18-24: read the chapbook Assuming Size several times while sitting on the toilet
December 21: see True Grit with my friend Bethany
December 22: watch Black Swan on megavideo
December 23-present: start watching the TV show Twin Peaks
December 23: hold my (relatively) newborn nephew while he falls asleep, feel like maybe having kids wouldn't be so bad someday, maybe
December 24-25: celebrate the Pagan feast that is now erroneously celebrated as the birthday of jesus (thanks dan brown, re:da vinci code)
December 26-27: go to Herzog show with Joe Vecchio (linked to left). He tells me that Ryan J from the chapbook is "assuming size" is a member of the band Delay. He tells me my blog post from december 19 sucks. Drunk, etc.
December 28: Meet Jordan Castro and Brittany Wallace (each linked to the left) for the first time. Also my first time meeting people "IRL" that I met on the internet (minus one earlier fiasco I had involving an online dating site). We go to Rockne's. Jordan ate a chicken sandwich "smothered" in onions and shrooms, along with a huge and healthy-looking salad. I had a chicken quesadilla and a beer. Brittany had tomoto soap and beer. We all also had water. We then went to her house to drink beer and smoke k2 and talk about random things statically/dynamically then played the game Catchphrase. Go home and hold nephew in my arms.
December 29: Vague nothingness.
December 30: Return flight to nyc. Arrive at LGA around 330. Wait for checked luggage until 415. Wait in several hundred person line for cab until 530. Arrive home at 615. Roads not very plowed at all in my neighborhood (Bed-Stuy). Finally almost get all my work done for the fall semester (last unfinished paper not due until the middle of January but I want to get it done so that it is done).
December 31: Spill raspberry vinagrette dressing on myself as I try to both eat a salad and write this post at the same time before I got bed. Need to get sleep so I can celebrate the new years fully , or something tomorrow, or rather tonight and tomorrow. ugh, tomorrow is dec 31 but it already is dec 31 ugh
And I know you all have been waiting for my end of the year lists:
Top Books that I read in 2010 because they didn't come out until 2010:
1. Lee Rourke-The Canal
2. Sam Pink-Frowns Need Friends Too
3. Noah Cicero-The Insurgent
4. Christopher Higss-The Complete Works of Marvin K. Mooney
5. Various Artists-Assuming Size
(I think I forgot a bunch, those were the top ones that came to mind, probabl because I read them all within the past few months)
Top Authors I learned about in 2010 because I didn't know about them previously:
1. Michel Houellbecq
2. Barry Hannah
3. I dont know I have a short memory.......
Top Music that I listened to because it came out in 2010 and it was buzzing
(see pitchfork's top albums (googe "BUZZFEED pitchfork 2010 top), but subtract kanye west and put him at a worse ranking, and move Gorillaz up a lot, also disregard most of the albums that arent above an 9.0, except for Crystal Castles and maybe a couple others)
Top Movies
1. True Grit
2. The Social Network
3. Black Swan
4. Inception
5. Whatever wins the Academy Award for best pic, as long as it wasn't one of these other great movies
Top TV Shows
Whatever, these lists are stupid.........
See you in 2011, or something.............
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
HAPPY HOLY DAY, OR an inquiry into goal-setting, OR a review of assuming size, OR random holy day wishes
decided to write this after reading the poetry chapbook Assuming Size (Monster House Press 2010) and Brandon Scott Gorrel's bleak outlook on 2011 (via ThoughtCatalog)
made a list of goals today
never have understood new year's resolutions, seems very arbitrary
these are not new year's resolutions
think i might even print out the email i typed them up in and sent to myself and put it on my wall (at home, not on facebook)
i used to set goals a lot of the time when i ran xc and track
problem is, i generally never was able to achieve lots of my goals
i think, in general, my goals were: "run a 5k in less than 17:30, 1600m under 5 minutes, and 800m under 2:05" as i remember
never achieved any of those, think they were probably a bit beyond my reach, "realistically", considering that i started drinking and smoking sometimes eventually during high school
thats how sports always was
so then i started learning music and writing
feel i need to make new goals now
with music i generally made goals
like: "i am going to be home from school for the summer, so i should get a band together and make another collection of songs like i did when i was in high school and it will help me feel productive, fulfilled, and not depressed" or something
but generally, socially and creatively, and dont make enough goals
im always like "live in the moment" and then i just sit there and am content or discontent and content or something, not much intuition because i dont set goals and im generally kind of apathetic or lazy maybe
maybe im being too hard on myself
i want to actually finish my novella-thing i have been writing the past couple months
i always have tried to write longer-form fiction things, i wrote two or three different beginnings or parts of novel/la/s and then just gave up
i dont like my writing usually when i look back at it
think having concrete goals and editing more and rereading my own stuff will help me be more consistent in my writing and i will also like it more
also want to start submitting poems and stories and essays more to places, maybe, i think i need to spend less time on social networking websites and online encyclopedias and gmail in order to learn the best ways to do that because i used to post on my blog all the time but im kind of over the lately recently whatever
want to start a book club (online)
Also maybe a radio show (online) but that would be a rip off of Zachary german too much maybe
have a bunch of other goals, that arent worth telling, or i just dont want to tell because theyre embarassing
finishing up final essays right now, hating life, kind of
then i have a piece i am doing on christopher higgs, its really long and rambling and i dont have the patience to deal with it right now
then i need to celebrate dec 31-jan1, and continue expanding/revising my fiction thing, and get to work on my other goals, and go into work a lot at my job so i can save money so i can go on a trip
otherwise, thats it, i guess, not really, though
---------------------------------------
Assuming Size is a fun little chapbook
I have read it twice already while sitting on the toilet
It is small and can be carried in a pocket, I think I already value it as a material possession, maybe
I generally liked the style of the poetry, as I expected I would
Jordan Castro's poems seem very tightly written and linear, but also very self-conscious of its approach, very blatantly referencing various "buzz" topics among his corner of the internet literary scene, or something, as well as its linear approach its also self-conscious, kind of, actually im not sure if this is accurate
James Payne's poems remind me kind of Gordon Lish, although Lish mostly wrote fiction, I think, and I might just be saying that because I read Lish recently. I think Payne creates a good rhythm, that might be what im going for. Very steady, well-paced, cool, whatever.
Ryan J doesnt have a last name. I think I might have liked his the best. It was maybe more narrative. Fuck, I can't write anymore about lit right now. Maybe I will do rewrite expansion of this review sometime, i dont know
I also liked Richard Wehrenberg's alot, Maybe I like R's more than J's in terms of letters. I cant really write anymore right now. Im exhausted. Its midnight.
------------------------------
Have a good holy day
I would wish for stuff, but i dont know what good it will do, probably not much
bye
made a list of goals today
never have understood new year's resolutions, seems very arbitrary
these are not new year's resolutions
think i might even print out the email i typed them up in and sent to myself and put it on my wall (at home, not on facebook)
i used to set goals a lot of the time when i ran xc and track
problem is, i generally never was able to achieve lots of my goals
i think, in general, my goals were: "run a 5k in less than 17:30, 1600m under 5 minutes, and 800m under 2:05" as i remember
never achieved any of those, think they were probably a bit beyond my reach, "realistically", considering that i started drinking and smoking sometimes eventually during high school
thats how sports always was
so then i started learning music and writing
feel i need to make new goals now
with music i generally made goals
like: "i am going to be home from school for the summer, so i should get a band together and make another collection of songs like i did when i was in high school and it will help me feel productive, fulfilled, and not depressed" or something
but generally, socially and creatively, and dont make enough goals
im always like "live in the moment" and then i just sit there and am content or discontent and content or something, not much intuition because i dont set goals and im generally kind of apathetic or lazy maybe
maybe im being too hard on myself
i want to actually finish my novella-thing i have been writing the past couple months
i always have tried to write longer-form fiction things, i wrote two or three different beginnings or parts of novel/la/s and then just gave up
i dont like my writing usually when i look back at it
think having concrete goals and editing more and rereading my own stuff will help me be more consistent in my writing and i will also like it more
also want to start submitting poems and stories and essays more to places, maybe, i think i need to spend less time on social networking websites and online encyclopedias and gmail in order to learn the best ways to do that because i used to post on my blog all the time but im kind of over the lately recently whatever
want to start a book club (online)
Also maybe a radio show (online) but that would be a rip off of Zachary german too much maybe
have a bunch of other goals, that arent worth telling, or i just dont want to tell because theyre embarassing
finishing up final essays right now, hating life, kind of
then i have a piece i am doing on christopher higgs, its really long and rambling and i dont have the patience to deal with it right now
then i need to celebrate dec 31-jan1, and continue expanding/revising my fiction thing, and get to work on my other goals, and go into work a lot at my job so i can save money so i can go on a trip
otherwise, thats it, i guess, not really, though
---------------------------------------
Assuming Size is a fun little chapbook
I have read it twice already while sitting on the toilet
It is small and can be carried in a pocket, I think I already value it as a material possession, maybe
I generally liked the style of the poetry, as I expected I would
Jordan Castro's poems seem very tightly written and linear, but also very self-conscious of its approach, very blatantly referencing various "buzz" topics among his corner of the internet literary scene, or something, as well as its linear approach its also self-conscious, kind of, actually im not sure if this is accurate
James Payne's poems remind me kind of Gordon Lish, although Lish mostly wrote fiction, I think, and I might just be saying that because I read Lish recently. I think Payne creates a good rhythm, that might be what im going for. Very steady, well-paced, cool, whatever.
Ryan J doesnt have a last name. I think I might have liked his the best. It was maybe more narrative. Fuck, I can't write anymore about lit right now. Maybe I will do rewrite expansion of this review sometime, i dont know
I also liked Richard Wehrenberg's alot, Maybe I like R's more than J's in terms of letters. I cant really write anymore right now. Im exhausted. Its midnight.
------------------------------
Have a good holy day
I would wish for stuff, but i dont know what good it will do, probably not much
bye
Sunday, December 5, 2010
I am Lebron James (Kind Of)
As an Ohioan who left my motherland, I feel like I can almost relate to Lebron. We both left northeast Ohio for "green pastures", and we both had to leave our families and homes behind. Of course, when I went home for Thanksgiving I was greeted eagerly by family and friends, whereas he was booed and jeered at Quickens Loans Arena when he made his first return visit to his old NBA arena in Cleveland this past Thursday.
As a native of the city of Cuyahoga Falls, a suburb of Akron, I have driven through, but never resided in, the neighborhoods where he was raised. I went to an Akron-area Jesuit school that my dad teaches at, while he was recruited to play at our rival Catholic prep school. While my upbringing was predominantly bourgeois, I still spent the latter part of my teens wanting to get out of that monotonous wasteland. This decline has been happening for a long time, probably popularly dating back to the 1968 race riots in Akron and the polluted Cuyahoga River setting on fire (for the thirteenth time) the following year. Today, Ohio isn't a terrible place to live but despite all the optimism that the government and many residents try to hold, it is difficult for me to avoid the sense of an indefinite torpor. At least that is the sense I got, so with Lebron coming from the more dire circumstances that he came from I have to believe that he felt it much more. Of course, by the time he left for Miami this past summer he was one of the richest athletes in the world, but I still think the previous statement has some validity.
Lebron's departure from Cleveland is nothing new; this doesn't make it better but it is essential to note that the decline of Greater Cleveland economically has been paralleled and intimately linked to the disappointments of its sports teams. In 1996, Art Model literally moved the Cleveland Browns to Baltimore (a decision which I find much more appalling that Lebron's). The Cleveland Browns have not one an NFL title since the Super Bowl began in the late-1960s. The Cleveland Indians were always one of the best teams in baseball from the mid-1990s until the early 2000s, but could never secure a World Series title because almost every superstar left to go to bigger cities and bigger contracts (Albert Belle, Manny Ramirez, and Jim Thome come to mind). The Cavs were usually one of the better NBA teams in the 1980s and 1990s, but Cleveland never had the money or "cool" “vibe” to lure any superstars (unless you include Shawn Kemp, which I don't). My main problem with Lebron's departure is that, yes, he did spend seven years in Cleveland, which was lucky enough to win him in the draft lottery, but he also never seemed content on staying in Cleveland. From day one there were rumors of some other city trying to steal him (and now, the Cavs owner is seeking damages against Miami in NBA court because of that). This hurt the Cavs' opportunities to possibly attract another star player or two to complement Lebron, and that in turn served as his excuse to go to Miami.
Now, I don't really blame him for going to Miami. I do blame him for the fact that he signed a contract with Nike that said that could get paid more in endorsements to play in a more profitable city. I also don't like his smug attitude, how he refers to his "greatness" all the time and yet he claims to care more about his team and winning; it makes it seem like he only wants his team to win so he can add to his status as "great." But I also think his narcissism is possibly overplayed by the media, as we all know the media seems to take a fraction of what someone says out of context and distort it to their own purpose.
So while I was disappointed that he left, I realized it made sense. I did the same thing. As soon as I graduated high school I went to a small, private Eastern liberal arts school. While I spent a few semesters home at Kent State and several winters and summers besides that working for Acme Fresh Market, I never intended on returning permanently to Ohio. Now I live in New York City, which is home to the Yankees, who I hate because they are the exact opposite of an Ohio sports team with their big contracts and constant success. I also know plenty of people who have left my hometown and moved to other places, and yet they still have the balls to fully indulge in the nonstop anti-Lebron bullshit. Of course, I am somewhat guilty of that old Cleveland sports fan hypocrisy, wherein if a player is a self-indulging asshole while they are in Cleveland (Albert Belle and Manny Ramirez and Lebron come to mind) I give them a pass but when that asshole moves to another city I never stop talking about it.
Of course, it does suck. Northeast Ohio lost its place as the showcase of the premier American athlete of this generation, and fucking Miami got him. Why the fuck does Miami need more cool shit? Why can't Cleveland have some cool shit? Miami is not even that big and it is a huge tourist industry. Cleveland is not even that big and it has zero tourist industry. I share these concerns with Ohioans. It might have even been really fun to be at that game the other day booing and chanting "ASSHOLE" and "AKRON HATES YOU."
Of course, when I look at the video of Lebron after the game he looks pretty depressed, and I probably would have felt bad.
I am not Lebron James. To compare myself to someone that great, or who thinks they are that great, would be to fall into their disease.
But in the end, I am Lebron, kind of. I left Ohio because there were more cool opportunities and “et cetera” elsewhere. But I also do not call myself "great" or anything. So I also am Not Lebron James. It sucks that he left, and it sucks that all of Cleveland's sports suck, but at least Ohio still has Jordan Castro, Noah Cicero, some cool colleges, DEVO, the Black Keys, the buckeye candies, and Buckeye football. For those things, Ohio can be thankful this time of year.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
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